After weeks of outrage that employees at failed companies were collecting millions of taxpayer dollars for being rotten at their job, Congress has decided to lead by example. Barney Franks and Chris Dodd announced the novel action from the Capitol steps: "Today Congress will display the accountability and responsibility that the citizens of this nation have demanded in the past days. Congress passed laws forcing banks to issue subprime mortgages to unqualified borrowers, and we refused to enact the oversight asked for by the Bush Administration over Fannie Mae and Freddie Mack. If the executives of AIG are responsible for the failure of that company, we are surely to blame for the economic state of the entire nation. We heard you, the people who make this nation work, who pay our salary with your taxes, and we are responding to your demand that your money not be wasted by rewarding failure. Therefore, we are returning every penney we have collected from the government over the past ten years."
President Obama announced plans to use the money to pay for the repair hundreds of millions of human jaws which were broken as they simultaneously hit the floor.