Monday, August 24, 2009

White House sets up interrogation unit

Today an Obama spokesman announced the establishment of a new interrogation unit to be run under direct supervision of the White House.

Can't you SMELL the fear from al Qaida?

Attorney General Eric Holder said that the toughest question they plan to ask captured terrorists is "What kind of beer do you like?"

Since the War on Terror is over, it is unclear exactly who will be interrogated in this new unit. No word yet on whether people voicing opposition to the President's takeover of the medical system will receive higher priority than our soldiers or Donald Rumsfeld.

Monday, August 17, 2009

White House falling behind

A study recently released by Pear Analytics found that forty percent of the traffic on Twitter consists of "pointless babble" such as "I am having a sandwich". Only 8.7 percent of "Tweets" were found to have "pass-along value". Self-promotion made up 5.9 percent of the content, and spam only 3.8 percent.

This news gave rise to concern that White House press conferences are falling behind the curve. One member of the White House Press Corps said "We might have to switch to Twitter for our news. Here in the Press Briefing Room we only dream of getting pointless babble down to a mere 40%, and a real item with pass-along value has yet to be seen. As for self-promotion, that's every single word we get here."

The New York Times issued a rambling statement suggesting that the much higher signal to noise ratio of the alternative media might be responsible for the Times' slide into obscurity.