Friday, April 10, 2009
Obama bows to pirate captain
Fresh off his highly successful European tour which failed to accomplish any of its stated objectives, President Barack Obama opened "discussions" with the captain of a Somali pirate ring which currently holds one American hostage on a small lifeboat.
While video of the meeting appeared to show the President of the world's only superpower prostrating himself before the pirate, White House spokesman William Ayres denied that Obama bowed to the pirate captain, suggesting that the President was "Still working on his sea legs". The two-party talks, held in a Tehran hotel, proved fruitful for both the American administration and the Somali pirates.
Talks started off with the President apologizing to the pirates for centuries of American aggression, injustices, and arrogance which led to the intolerable circumstances forcing Somalis into a life of piracy. Obama assured the pirates that "America is not at war with pirates. In fact, you and I have a common adversary: people who earn a living."
Talks concluded with a lavish signing ceremony, cementing the agreement which gives 1.2 trillion golden doubloons in "bailout" money to the pirates in return for promises that the pirates will unionize and employ "green technologies".