Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Saving us all
Less than a day after President Obama claimed that his economic recovery plan is working, in spite of a higher-than-expected jump in unemployment, by claiming to have "saved or created 150,000 jobs", the President has also claimed victory for his little-known "Alien Abduction Prevention Program". The program, which beams radio signals into space carrying the dulcet tones of Obama's voice intoning calming platitudes and conciliatory pleas, is responsible for saving nearly three-hundred million Americans from being abducted by aliens, in the past month alone.
White House spokesman Rahm Emanuel told reporters, "It just got us thinking. If you are a teacher or a police officer or a nurse and you have not been laid off, Obama gets the credit for saving your job. How many people have not been abducted by aliens? That's a lot of credit we can claim."
Since Obama rammed his massive stimulus bill through Congress with promises that it would prevent unemployment from reaching 8%, the economy has lost 1.6 million jobs and the unemployment rate soared to 9.4%.
Obama, who plans to save 600,000 more jobs in the next three months, is looking into other impressive-sounding but unmeasurable goals to set for his administration. Front runners include a plan to save a million polar bears from the horrors of global warming and a program to save three million Americans from buying American cars.