Thursday, June 18, 2009

He's done it now

President Obama opened a gapping rift between himself and his core support group on Tuesday when he swatted a house fly during an interview with CNBC's John Harwood.

The White House was quick to claim credit for the President's first military victory, saying "That was pretty impressive, wasn't it? I got the sucker." Obama's chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel was quick to point out the contract between the President's decisive action against the fly and his deference to foreign dictators, whether it be bowing to the Saudi king, exchanging gifts with anti-American thug Hugo Chavez, ignoring North Korean aggression, refusing to condemn a rigged election in Iran due to America's "history of meddling", or apologizing for America to Cuban tyrant Castro. "The President knows when to get tough," Emanuel told reporters.

However, PETA was quick to jump on the offense against the innocent animal, saying "We support compassion even for the most curious, smallest and least sympathetic animals. We believe that people, where they can be compassionate, should be, for all animals."

PETA spokesman
Bruce Friedrich also sent a Katcha Bug Humane Bug Catcher to the White House, so that the President of the United States can catch flies and safely release them outside.

An outraged mob quickly formed outside of the White House gates, demanding that the President be prosecuted for harming a fly. A spokesperson for the group told reporters that "Obama has done many things right. He poured trillions of dollars into liberal special interest groups to pay off those of us who got him elected. He nationalized huge industries and installed himself as head of GM. He increased the deficit to four times the size it had ever been. He granted rights to foreign terrorists usually reserved for US citizens. He put a tax cheat in charge of the IRS. Singlehandedly Obama has orchestrated the biggest move towards socialism in American history. But we can't overlook his treatment of a fly. How can we have equality if flies can arbitrarily be murdered. What has the left come to if insects no longer have more protection than unborn babies?"

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